As the Years go Passing by...

Engineering again, I look back to the year that's just passed and can hardly believe it's only been a year. It seems like years ago when I had lost a job and had been busy looking for one. The experimenting the struggle to keep the confidence and morale from dipping low. The wandering around the streets and keeping busy attending something or the other. Meeting people I would normally have had no time to meet. Making some unexpected friends at unexpected places.

Then the quick call for an interview and the quick start to the job. Work, work, work. Long hours, oddly casual culture, mistakes, discussions, responsibilities, new skills, fancy lunches.

And so another year goes by, just like so many before. I can't tell if I've just let myself be drifted along with the flow or have I made effort to climb a cliff one grip at a time. I cannot recall the details. Probably because there were so many of them.

So did that time speed by because I was enjoying myself or whether the work was so monotonous that I lost track of time? At this point I can't tell which one it was, but what I know is that I'm satisfied with the way things are. If there are no ditches on the way I could just keep rolling. But 5, maybe 10 years from now when I look back at this period, will I still be happy with what I did? Or would I hope that I had taken a different route, maybe worked much harder, seen things coming?

But what is it that we are supposed to do with our assigned time anyway? Does it even matter if it crawl or sprints away? What makes a moment lurk and others scramble? Doesn't hindsight always carry regrets?

In the end, there are always questions. At least more questions than there will ever be answers. Perhaps, there is no general equation for philosophy, all there is an individual set of belief system that each of us believe is the way to go.

Personally, if I could I would chose a primary objective to work towards; and then everything else could fall into place as part of "the plan". But that would make things just a little too easy now, wouldn't it?

Time and Time Again

Once again, I'm out of work, have been for a few months now. And with time for introspection, retrospection , indulging I have been once again moulding different conclusions of the world I'm in and trying to conjure up various strategies of dealing with them.

This time I've tracked changes more closely, seen the progress and improvements, clearly realised mistakes, and with more data points to analyse I've faced deeper forms of confusions.

One of the most important things, and the most obvious one, I've learned is that life is not like a story-writing practice: you cannot scrap your paper and start fresh, there are no erasers, neither are there sudden jumps in passages without losing important information, nor can you invent and kill characters by will.

The second things is that you can run from anything but yourself. Trying to run away from a mess you created is only going to end up with a new mess in a new place.